Nana Malone

Now like many of you, I have a secret love for Gossip Girl.  But I have to say, I could do without my own personal Blair. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, yes, I watch television that appeals to my inner teenager.  But I’m also talking about that toxic friend you have. The one who pretends to be your friend but acts more like your enemy. You know, the one who tells you “For your own good,” that your favorite pair of jeans makes your butt look like two pigs strapped in a too small blanket. Or maybe she’s overly flirtatious with your man. Or maybe she goes out of her way to talk trash behind your back. From childhood, we women have always had at least one friend like this. And if you swear up and down you don’t, are you that friend?

Think about it. Reality TV shows are steeped in Frienemy tradition. So are the chick flicks we love so much. Real Housewives of whatever city, 13 going on 30, Bride Wars. Pick your poison. No matter what, we can all pick out the toxic component who talks about people behind their backs. Why do we do allow these people into our lives? Why do we tolerate their toxic behavior? Do they find us? Or do we draw them to us?

I like to think I stick up for myself. But to be honest, through the years I’ve always had more than one friend that’s always made me feel small and insignificant. And I always wonder why and how the hell I let someone like that into my life.

At a party a couple of weeks ago, DH asked me why girls were so hard on each other. “Aren’t you supposed to be friends?” My answer unfortunately wasn’t a simple one. I could have cooked it down to one word, jealousy, but is it never that simple. Competition, jealousy, good old fashioned mean spiritedness. I wish I knew.

Through my life, I’ve known some amazing women. Strong, brilliant, confident women who would die to protect me and jump to my defense at a moment’s notice. I’ve been lucky. If you’ve been lucky, make sure you tell those friends how grateful you are for them. And if you have a Frienemy, let her know you have her number. As my mother would say in her GhanaianAmericanBritish accent “Tell that small girl that you do not tolerate nonsense!”

Our friends should up lift us, provide a shoulder to cry on, give us hugs when we lose a job, let us borrow the perfect shoes for a hot date, and form a militia when a man does us wrong.

As for our Frienemies, I suggest you listen to my mother. Or maybe if you don’t want to listen to moms, you’ll listen to Chris Rock when he says “I told you that bitch crazy!”